16 august 2010


it is really first time since my school trip in highschool that i am a tourist in london. walking the typical routes of typical digital camera holders, and i enjoy it. anita is still very quiet and there is nothing wrong with being quiet. it si actually one of the thing i admire in people. what worries me is that she has no opinion, no mind, it is either that she doesn't feel secure enough to share it or that the things i asked her about are of absolutely no importance to her, what is it then? and what does she find important? i hope one day i will grow to a point when she will tell me all that. we went to the natural history museum and we were wandering around numerous rooms filled with stuffed or fake animals. we saw the big egg dome of darwin's centre. in the human nature dedicated room i saw models of a 3 months baby in a woman's body. there were pictures and the sound of the heartbeat. how can people tell themselves that this kind of a creature is not a human? how can they be building such illusions just to justify their own egoism and praise for utilitarianism? we carried on to my favorite room with jewels and the treasures of the earth, straight from there we went for a dinner to the dorchester where everybody smiled to me and was extremely nice. banqueting manager complimented me as well. brian came out to see us and in promenade we were given free drinks. it was joyful and indulging. the next day we started with the brick lane market, walked around the city and got on a ferry to greenwich. i would have never thought that it was such a romantic place but everybody around me snogged and cuddled. it only made me think again of why have i lost myslef and where is the love for me? is that i have it but don't see it or have i lost it already? or should i still wait for it to come? the only thing i know is that recently these questions bring a false grim on my face and it is wrong. then we went to a polish church in angel and the day was the last one. girls made themselves feel good with shopping in primark and we kissed and they were gone. love them so much!!!

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